When You Get a Big Fat Pile of Rejections

Peter just sent me the following question. And it’s a common one, so I thought I should answer it right quick.

“I sent my query letter out to ten agents, and I got ten rejections. I worked really hard on my pages, and I think they’re great. What am I doing wrong? Why am I only getting form letters?”

I don't think you suck! Quite the opposite!

What are you doing wrong indeed? Firstly, everybody gets rejected – so don’t feel bad. It’s part of the process. But that being said, let’s talk about a few of the reasons you might be getting those disappointing form letters instead of requests for more pages. There are typically a few specific reasons why this happens. Ask yourself:

1) Are you committed the sin of the premature submission? Are your pages really ready to be seen by anyone other than you? Be honest! Get second reads if you have to. I’m a big believer that this is one of the main reasons writers get rejected.

2) Are you sending your work to the right people? Who are you sending your queries to? Have you confirmed that they represent books that are in fact a good match for what you’re writing?

3) Does your letter do your work justice? Are you highlighting your voice, your story and yourself properly? Are you letting your voice shine through in the letter? Are you making the very easy mistake of being too businessey? Ask yourself if your memoir matches the tone of your letter.

These are three of the most common reasons people don’t hear back from agents – with the news they want anyway. And remember, in my book I talk about acting like a person that an agent wants to be in business with. That means being professional, a class-act! I realize it’s tough out there, really tough – and the bottom line is you might have to just keep at it. Or revise and keep at it. It’s par for the course. . . hang in there.

Question? You can email it. . . paula@morningmemoir.com

Simone-Says Has a Question

Have a question like Simone? Well then email it! paula@morningmemoir.com Okay! Let’s focus on Simone!

Dear Memoirista:

My question relates to your comment about focusing on a specific time period or situation. I’m struggling to find my hook because my memoir begins with my childhood, growing up in an alcoholic home and how my upbringing affected my teen years and adult years – specifically with my own addictions and the men I loved… (I had a bad picker). I’m 6 years sober, so I’m looking back with sober eyes.

In your opinion, does this concept work? Maybe if I handled each chapter as a self-contain story? Or is it too much subject matter? Or should I pick one relationship, “The Year I Fell Madly in Love with a Madman?” and stick to that situation, adding in parts of my past?

I appreciate any suggestions, comments, advice you can send my way. Seriously – your word is bond. I’m holding off on starting my edits because I value your guidance tremendously. But no pressure… 😉

Thank you (so much),
Simone
www.simone-says.com

Dear Simone:
Thanks for writing. This is tricky business indeed (as memoir writing tends to be), and there’s nothing tougher than picking and choosing what to put in and what to leave out. I totally understand your quandary. You mention two totally different structures. . . the short, almost-a-story-in-a-chapter kind of situation (very much like Kirk Read’s How I Learned To Snap, which is GENIUS by the way) – and then a completely different Year In The Life with back flashes kind of thing. . . . VERY DIFFERENT. This makes me think you need to sit back, and consider a few things:

1) What kind of writing shows of your strengths?
2) What kind of writing do you LIKE to do?
3) What new stuff are you adding to your genre? IE What’s your hook?

Overall, Memoirista is diagnosing a structure problem (I know, you already knew that and are thinking DUH, seriously, are you going to help me or what?). Don’t panic. I am going to help. I think you need to list out the “five new things you bring to the table” from chapter four. I think pondering for a spell about which of these two styles is a better fit for your style, voice, writing ability and material should help guide you. What is is about you and YOUR story that we should get excited about? Make a list! See how what you come up with guides you to a structure.

And if you’re still feeling like you have too much stuff, ask yourself those hard questions. Seriously, is this interesting to anyone other than me? Does this need to STAY IN THE JOURNAL?
I hope that sheds some light. . .

X,
Memoirista. . .

There’s another memoir WEBINAR happening this Thursday, September the 22nd at 1pm. The topic? Write a Memoir That Sells: How to Use Voice, Structure and Platform to Draw Readers to Your Story

Here’s the info. You get a critique of your query letter and the first 1,500 pages of your memoir by me!
Here’s the link to the registration page. . .

http://bit.ly/oIEW7a

If You Write It, I’ll Give You a Present

It would appear I’m not so good at following my own advice. If I were a dr. I’m pretty sure I’d smoke at least a pack a day. I’d probably have a martini glass balanced on the end of the exam table while I wrote out prescriptions for one of those cholesterol lowering meds and lectured patients about exercise and diet. I talk a lot about writing every day – in my own book, yet I haven’t been doing it lately. While I’m not planning to write a memoir (I’m not very interesting), I love writing essays, and someday I’d like to try writing a novel. But seriously, what kind of jerk tells people to write every day and then doesn’t even do it herself? Anyway, I was thinking about this while I was shopping for a birthday gift for my dad last weekend. He just turned 60, and my husband and I decided to make him his very own, customized book-of-the-month-club kind of thing. We bought a book we thought he would like for each month of the year, and wrote up a paragraph about each one. We ended up with kind of a crazy mixture. . . Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead, Sherlock Holmes, Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing (my dad used to teach fourth grade) – a reference book about weather, because my dad is OBSESSED with storms. It was quite possibly the only time I had fun shopping for a gift. It got me thinking. . if you’re totally stuck, which happens to EVERYONE, writing about gifts is a super easy way to get unstuck. There are so many instances in life where a gift has made a difference – good or bad. I mean, it’s not really about the present, it’s about the thoughts, what it meant, and the lasting memories they leave right?

What was I thinking? Why was I out smoking and drinking white russians when I should have been home working on my memoir? What a terrible mistake!

So listen. . . since I’m making a conscious effort to write more, I’m hoping you will too. I’ll send a copy of my book (and a special bonus surprise) to whoever writes the most kick-ass gift story. I don’t care how long it is or anything. . . it doesn’t matter.

Ooops. I brilliantly gave you all the wrong email address at the webinar. It’s this:

paula@morningmemoir.com

To Get Things Rolling

Firstly, thank you so much for coming to the webinar last week. It was really fun. Honestly, I was terrified when Writer’s Digest asked me to do it – but I’m so glad I did. I guess it’s good to take risks. It’s just really weird talking to hundreds of people when you can’t see or hear a single one of them. Although, I did force my cat to sit through the entire thing. I’ve spent the last week answering all of your questions – just an FYI, Writer’s Digest should be posting all of the answers really soon (if they haven’t already, those people are crazy efficient).

This cat, my one "captive" audience member, disappointed me by falling asleep half way into slide two.

Anyway, you might remember that I talked a little bit about contests. I think it’s great that there have been some contests floating out there lately. They’re competitive, but winning isn’t really the point in my opinion (but obviously that would be amazing). Entering a contest gives you the following:

A writing assignment
A deadline
A specific goal

And oh yeah, it’s fun. Plus, who knows, you might win. All of those things I mention above are great things for writers, and it can be hard to give them to yourself. Real Simple magazine is having an essay contest, and Good Housekeeping magazine is having a short story writing contest. Okay, one of them is fiction – but still, it’s a really good contest! I’ll be sure to keep my eye out for more!

P.S. If any of you have emailed me at the email address I gave out at the end of the webinar, I warn you, my email is acting real funky. I’m workin’ on it. I am. . .

Coming on July 9th!

I’m giving a free webinar at Writer’s Digest’s website today at 1 p.m. if you’re up for it. Hope to see you there.
x,
Paula

Liking Memoirs Can Be Really Awkward

I was having an absolutely lovely November morning last week – enjoying breakfast at a local café, chatting with one of my favorite severs, Derrick. He happened to mention that his roommate had written a memoir, and would I like to borrow a copy? It was published last year, it’s really great, and he could just pop into his apartment and grab a copy (he lives around the corner and it wasn’t busy yet). Derrick is smart, so I knew there was a good chance that if he loved his roommate’s memoir that I would too. So, yeah sure, I’d love to borrow it! He mentioned her name, and I hadn’t heard of her, and I’m always excited to learn of a new memoirist. Derrick handed me the loveliest book. A small sized hardcover with embossed flowers . . . all class. I said “oh, this is so pretty, I love it!” But then I looked at the title and my heart sank. It was called The Young Widow’s Book of Home Improvement. Ugh. I wish I had noticed the, um, obvious reference to death before I had tossed out the off the cuff and downright jolly compliment.

But then I realized this is something that happens with memoirs. Who didn’t love The Glass Castle? But we certainly wouldn’t wish that kind of childhood on anyone. What do you say to someone who wrote a memoir that particularly moves you? Love the memoir but I’m so sorry your life sucked? It really does seem strange to compliment someone on their work without making a reference to the difficulty of the material. Or am I making way too much of this? Feel free to tell me I’m crazy.

And the beautiful book Derrick handed over to me? It’s called The Young Widow’s Book of Home Improvement: A True Story of Love and Renovation by Virginia Lloyd. I’m looking forward to reading it and I’ll be sure to report back.

Writers Who Read Well, And Tricky Questions

I went to hear Joyce Maynard read at Pete’s Candy Store with my friend Billy last weekend. In addition to being a terrific writer, she’s an incredibly good reader. Engaging, entertaining and can really keep an audiences attention. It’s been quite awhile since I’ve attended a reading (toddlers, they have this effect on you) and I had totally forgotten how important it is for a writer to be able to read their work well. Wow, isn’t it enough to be able to write? And she looks really good too. Damn her!

I also just read her memoir At Home In The World about her time living with JD Salinger. For those of you who love memoir, take a look at the latest version with the new intro. She responds to all of the criticism she received at the time of the books original publication. And I think this is probably worth an entire blog post later on. . . but apparently certain people just didn’t feel her story was her story to tell. Hello, because it involved a famous and reclusive writer? Somehow I suspect that if Mr. Salinger had come out of hiding to tell HIS side of the story, no one would have blinked an eye, or been the slightest bit concerned about Ms. Maynard’s feelings. What do you think? Does everyone have a right to tell their story?

Pencils Down, Anxiety Up

Big projects can be hard to finish. Hard in that. . . “I’m losing steam and I just don’t know how to actually finish this project kind of way”. But also hard in the OMG “What am I going to do when I’m finished?” way. That’s absolutely what I’ve been feeling. I feel like I’ve graduated from college and have just realized I have NO JOB PROSPECTS. Remember that feeling? I’m being dramatic – but it’s tricky to go from a day full of very scheduled work to a day of, “hey, maybe there’s something good on LifeTime!” Obviously there are always things in life to get back to, and if you are lucky and have the time there are books to read. But it’s just another reminder that freelance life is full of some wild ups and downs.

What do you do when you’ve finished a big project and haven’t started another yet? I’m going to throw myself back into the blogosphere and twitter, think about new projects, and hope to get excited about something new soon!

The Wrong Kind of Criticism Can Really Kick Your Ass

I love picking out books to take along on vacation. I just got back from a wonderful week away with my family where I ultimately read Sarah Water’s The Little Stranger, (creepy good fun) but this wasn’t my first choice. As I was looking at the books on my shelves, I came across Marilyn Robinson’s Housekeeping, and wondered why I wasn’t more familiar with it. It’s become a classic, I generally love family stories, and I’ve always been attracted to symbolism about water (I’m convinced this comes from growing up on one of the Great Lakes). It seemed like the kind of novel I would love and like a perfect travel book, since as a bonus, it’s rather slim. Happy to have found something, I sat down for a couple of minutes just to read a few pages. I was intrigued, but suddenly remembered I had read it before, and I didn’t have fond memories of Housekeeping at all.

While I didn’t get very good grades in high school, I surprised myself by doing very well during my first semester of college. I loved my classes and for the first time felt very engaged and excited by learning. But then I signed up for a Women’s Fiction seminar. It sounded innocent enough. We were going to read Barbara Kingsolver, Toni Morrison, Alice Walker and of course Marilyn Robinson. I read novels all the time, so I figured reading novels for a class would be simple, or at the very least enjoyable. Apparently not. I still remember how uneasy I felt in that class. I read the books faithfully. . although in the class they were suddenly referred to only as “texts” – hello! Pretentious! Amy, the graduate student who taught the class found everything I said trite – I wasn’t digging “deep enough into the text.” They were novels, and quite good ones, but did that mean we had to analyze them to death? I was never sure what she wanted, and the harder I tried the more I floundered. But the real reason I will probably never enjoy Housekeeping comes from what happened after my first exam. I had read every book and come to every class – I was confident I understood what occurred in these books, yet I got my exam book back to find that I had received a “D.” Ouch. I will never forget approaching Amy, (who wore Frye motorcycle boots by the way) and asking her about my grade. I didn’t think it was possible that the grade reflected my understanding of “the texts.” Her response? “Well, you probably do understand them. It’s just that you can’t write.” WTF? Now, I’m fairly certain I write better now than I did then, but is that any way to talk to a student? Until I came across that copy of “Marilyn Robinson’s text” I had completely forgotten about that conversation, but what I do know is this. I’ve always been careful about how I give criticism to writers. I’m always honest but gentle – and if I permanently spoiled a novel for someone, I’d be pretty sorry.

I Want a Role Model!

This fabulous woman would be a great role model. . if she were real.

I was just reading Penelope Trunk’s (aka The Brazen Careerist’s) How To Be Lost With Panache, which I stumbled upon at the perfect time, because I had just started writing a section of my book about “being stuck” and I completely understood her need to turn to soothing things. . . such as New York Magazine to get her through tough times. I’ll be the first person to admit that “being stuck” while writing a book is, in the whole scheme of things, not such a big problem. But the more I thought about it, and the further I got along in the chapter, the more I was able to see that getting stuck while writing isn’t all that different from getting stuck in real life. You can’t think, you can’t come up with any decent ideas about what to do. . going out for a simple as a cup of coffee feels like a major life decision. Should I make coffee at home? Or should I get some fresh air? Because that might be nice. Or will that take up too much time? Is it going to rain? You get the picture. But then her post mentioned something that got me off the coffee track right quick. She mentioned that Tavi Gevinson of The Style Rookie, the only just about to enter high school fashion blogger, was her role model. She’s real, she’s a dork and she’s smart. What’s not to love? I thought long and hard about who my role model would be, and I just wasn’t sure. How can I not know who my role model is? I feel I must remedy this immediately. I’d like someone who was funny, smart, successful and being Midwestern would be a bonus. Definitely something to think about, and fyi, I’m accepting suggestions!